Song #405: "A Fifth of Beethoven" by Walter Murphy & The Big Apple Band

Date: Oct 9, 1976
Weeks: 1

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I don't like this song, and yet I can't quite explain why. Let me see if I can solve the mystery.

I don't object to it on the conceptual grounds of updating a piece of classical music to a modern style. It's not Christmas to me until I've heard the Vandals' version of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies." I can enjoy the rock version of Pachelbel's "Canon in D". So it's not the concept I object to.

I don't dislike it because it's disco. I've spent enough time mucking around in the popular music of the 70s to realize that disco was actually one of the better musical ideas happening in the decade. Not better than 70s rock, which is woefully underrepresented in this list, but certainly better than a lot of the wimpy soft rock of the time.

It's not because it's specifically a disco remix of classical music. Not to trample an upcoming review, but the disco "Star Wars Theme" is pretty fun. Heck, even this song's fellow Saturday Night Fever soundtrack song "Night on Disco Mountain" tickles me.

And it's not because I think the specific source material shouldn't be messed with. I don't think of Beethoven any more highly than any other classical composer. The portion of Beethoven's 5th Symphony being referenced here is arguably the most well-known piece of classical music that there is, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to remix it.

I think the problem comes in how the remix is handled. What I just realized while listening to all those videos I linked is this: This song includes far too much new material that doesn't seem to be based on Beethoven at all. The generic electric organ track that plays throughout is particular evidence of this. I admit I don't know all parts of Beethoven's 5th, but I just listened to both this remix and the original back-to-back and I don't hear that organ part reflected in the original at all. The new material in this song isn't good enough on its own, but its too prominent to just be filler that connects one Beethoven part to another.

The song also feels really thinly instrumented. It sounds like the song was remixed from a string quartet's recording of Beethoven, rather than from an orchestra's recording.

My verdict: Don't like it. It's not a bad concept, but it needed to be bigger. Use an entire orchestra, make the song longer, and when you have gaps use remixed parts of the original to fill them.