Song #702: "Hangin' Tough" by New Kids On The Block

Date: Sept 9, 1989
Weeks: 1

I promise I didn't take that week-long break just because I was daunted by the idea of trying to review the New Kids. In fact, although I had noticed a New Kids song was next, I hadn't actually sat down to listen to it. But now that I have, part of me wants to run away and hide from trying to discuss this song.

The problem with New Kids on the Block is that everything about them is inauthentic. You can see that right here. They are trying to be tough and mean, but everything about them is ridiculously gentle. The singing is alternately harmonic and shouty. Apparently the shouting was supposed to be considered rap, but one line isn't rap. It's a pale imitation of rap, and lacks even the least bit of actual toughness. Also, that "whoa, oa, oa, oa, oa" chant is obnoxious, and feels like it lacks any sense of tune or tempo.

The music is also trying to sound tougher than it is. I particularly like the occasional use of what sounds like a police whistle. I think that sound is trying to evoke the mental image of a gang of kids who hang out on corners and spray graffiti, occasionally trying to run from the police. Unfortunately, whoever thought a police whistle was a good way to convey that must have been very old, because it mostly just makes me think of the Little Rascals, and similar groups of very small children being hassled by fictional police for the most gentle crimes imaginable.

Apart from the police whistle, the overly artificial production of the music doesn't help. Synth-keyboards, electric guitars, and drum machines don't fit with the mental image of kids who hang out on street corners. It's studio-produced and fake, and sounds it. And it's not that you can't make music that way, but it's not compatible with the type of attitude the New Kids are trying to convey.

The lyrics are more of the same. "Everybody's always talkin' 'bout who's on top. Don't cross our path or you're gonna get stomped." "Stomped" seems like an overly gentle threat, and just further shows how inauthentic they are. Actually, reading over the lyrics now, it's seems more like they're talking about the Billboard chart. Don't get in their way as they rise to the top of the charts. "And if you try to keep us down we're gonna come right back." If their song sinks off the charts, they'll just have another one coming along shortly.

My verdict: Don't like it. Also, a note for people who make music-videos: making the singer play air guitar in their own music video just calls attention to the fact that the guitar is being recorded by studio musicians. Unless you're using air guitars for comedy, they're a terrible idea in a music video.