Song #23: "Why" by Frankie Avalon

Date: Dec 28, 1959
Weeks: 1

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This is such a bland, transparent, nothing song that I'm having a hard time putting it into perspective. I'd love to call it worst song I've reviewed, but in a world where I've heard Snoop Dog's "Drop It Like It's Hot" (#910), I just can't say that. At least this one isn't unpleasant. But that's about the nicest thing I can say about it. It's so timidly nonthreatening, so aggressively pleasant, so tiresomely gentle, that it fails to make any kind of impression.

It's not that a gentle song can't be good, but this one seems so calculated and cynical. I mean, the primary instrument sounds like a harp to me, which is probably the most gentle instrument there is. The drums are gentle, the bass is gentle, and there's a gentle backing chorus. That's an awful lot of people assembled to create something so unsubstantial. Too much exposure to this kind of overwhelming gentleness, and all I want is for a punk rock cover to suddenly break out. This is where I would link to such a thing, but apparently no punk band has ever felt the need to try an ironic cover of this particular gem.

The lyrics are aggressively pleasant, too. "I'll always love you so. Why? Because you love me." So they love each other, and they're in love, and everything is happy. There's no conflict in this song, no pain. Even love songs about happy couples usually contain some sense of pain if they separated, or how sad they were before they found each other. Also, stop saying the word "love", for crying out loud! 24 times, I counted! And while I hesitate to proclaim that must be a record when the song is only 2-1/2 minutes long, I do wonder if it might be a record in "love"s per minute. The only song that might come close is this spoof song from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Frankie Avalon is a talented singer, though. I have to give him that. While I was checking for covers that might be better, I found a lot of amateur singers who didn't measure up. Some of them were emulating famous singers. One guy in particular sounded like Elvis and that was a terrible choice for the song. Only someone with such a pleasantly bland voice as Frankie Avalon could make the song listenable. As for the female singer doing the backup part, my research suggests it could be Connie Francis again. If so, she's wasted here. She's usually much more interesting.

My verdict: Don't like it. I work hard to avoid using the word "boring," or relying on too many of its synonyms, but it's basically a perfect one-word summary of everything I've said above. It's not the worst thing a song can be, but it's close.